What you do before the "I do" can be a direct influence on the marriage. How do you make sure it's right? How do you know this is going to be your "boo for life"? Black Married Women blog caught up with a newly married sister for a little insight. She is new in marriage, but experienced in life. With one divorce under her belt, this sister has loved, lost, and learned. She expresses a beautiful journey of self discovery and ultimate happiness.... Welcome into your hearts and minds, Sis. Naomi ....
Naomi was born and raised in the Nation of Islam. She is a Mother of two sons and a wife. Naomi describes herself as very determined person and down to earth. She is a Co-owner of Kreative Krafts and a Certified Dianetics Auditor and currently working on her Gold Seal. Naomi affirms. "I don't set limits for myself or place my self in a box. I am me and will continue to be ever evolving."
BMWB: Tell us about Courtship…
" The Hon. Min. Louis Farrakhan states, “Courtship is defined as the intentional process in which two people formally decide to engage in discovery to find out whether they share enough compatibility characteristics in crucial areas to get engaged and married.” In the Courtship Manual it reads “… in the word, ‘courtship’ is the word ‘court.’ Whenever matters are brought before a court, facts have to be discovered for a decision or judgment to be made…We should try to discover as much about the person as we can in order to find out if the two are compatible or not for marriage.” Courtship should not be based on looks or how moved you are because how much a Brother owns or what material benefit he can bring into your life. Courtship is about discovering how spiritually prepared the two persons are that will enable them to build a prosperous future together and grow further into Oneness with Allah. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad teaches us that courtship is a family affair, meaning that the proper way for a man to seek courtship from a woman is by first approaching the father in regards to the interest. I HAVE TO SAY THIS, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PRE-COURTSHIP. EITHER YOU ARE IN A COURTSHIP THE PROPER WAY OR YOU ARE NOT. We should not be found “caking” on the phone, having secret meet-ups, laying claims on one another or having “boo-thangs.” None of that is considered to be proper courtship. We must always remember that the Muslim Courtship is a form of protection for the MGT and the FOI if we are entertaining the idea of experiencing a true marriage. Courtships should not be announced, only engagements. Keep it private. The purpose of keeping a courtship private is to guard yourselves from jealous or ill-intentioned persons who may have an interest in jading your perception of your courtship partner. Long courtships are of no value."
" Courtship is a fact-finding process to find out if the two are compatible for marriage. This is not the dating game. We do not court more than one person at a given time. It is recommended that we wait three to four months between courtships in the case that serious feelings develop between the two during the experience. For newly divorcees, you should wait at least six months after your divorce is finalized. If you are to end the courtship, it should be done in the most respectful and honest of matters. The confidential information shared between the two should remain private, especially if the courtship does not result in marriage. All interaction between the two should be chaperoned. Some of us feel like, “Well, I don’t need no chaperone because I’m grown.” Well, what does The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan have to say? He says, “Among the righteous courtship is chaperoned. This is done to keep the parties who are attracted to each other from entering into pre-marital sex, which then stops the process of courtship.” It is not proper for the person you are courting to be paying your bills and giving personal or expensive gifts. This is discouraged because it sets up unhealthy expectations. OVERALL IT IS A FACT FINDING PROCESS! To find out if you are compatible. To overlook the process is to set ourselves up for failure and unnecessary trials. I would suggest for everyone to get a copy of the " 'Comprehensive Courtship Manual VOL. 1 PRESENTED AT THE 3RD ANNUAL SINGLES’ RETREAT AUGUST 17-20, 2006' and study it."
"I’ve watched first-hand several successful courtships and several failing courtships and because I experienced a failed marriage myself, I wanted to make sure I did things properly. Anyone who knows me personally, knows that I can be a “private-eye investigator.” (laughs) I ask question, after question, after question and then I ask the same questions in different ways to make sure that the answers that are given to me are indeed the truth. I already had in my mind my “must-haves” and my “deal-breakers.” I did not want to get into a courtship and then a marriage and not fulfill my proper role as a wife. By having a step by step process already laid out for me, which is the courtship process, it guided me to make the best decision, not just for me, but also my son. In the courtship manual there are a list of questions that we should ask and there are also indicators that will let you know if there are any “red flags.” I asked all the necessary questions and even spoke to his ex-wife and those who know him. I was not afraid to ask the uncomfortable questions so that I could make sure that I was protecting myself. The process itself is full-proof in determining if our court mates are the right ones for us. I don't think I really have any questions that I wish I would have asked. I asked one thousand and one questions while we were courting. (laughs). Maybe the only thing I would have done differently would be to talk with his former court mates."
More to come God willing...
Peace & Blessings
Sis. DeAndrea
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