Real Talk on Marriage: Love & Hip Hop

Greetings!

Hip hop and marriage. Doesn't necessarily sound harmonious right? Hip hop artist have notoriously been told to play down serious relationships or even there marriages. Black Married Women Blog had the fabulous opportunity to catch up with one of Hip Hops realest artist. If you haven't heard of her this you are really missing out. We would like to introduce to you Mrs. Arian Muhammad. Feel her words below:

Arian Nicole Muhammad is a multi-talented hip-hop artist, musician and songwriter raised in Flint, MI. She discovered her talent at 8 years old and had her love for music and hip-hop culture rewarded sharing stages with KRS 1, Rakim, and many others. Arian has been married for 10 years and currently lives in Phoenix AZ with her husband and 4 sons.

Black Married Women Blog (BMWB) Q. Does marriage fit into the Hip Hop/Entertainment Life? How do you make it work?

I like this question.. I remember there was a time when we did not see many black married couples the way we are seeing them now on the music scene. At least I didn't see them as much. I've always associated that with male artists who had fan bases of predominantly women, and may have sold more records by painting an image of availability. But with 70% of households in the black community being headed by single women, I also see how the single independent female artist is pitched and perceived as more "relatable" and "marketable" to other women in that demographic. In this respect marriage life does not fit into such culture. Being one who was raised in such a culture but exposed to the Teachings of the Hon Elijah Muhammad through Minister Farrakhan, I was able to see another aspect of male-female relationships that was uncommon in my environment. I was also exposed to the streets and what I saw and experienced out in the world turned me off and made me apprehensive. I had a desire to know what a "real" relationship but was afraid at the same time. My husband won me over.

BMWB: Is your relationship anything like Love and Hip Hops Rasheedah and Kirk?

I had to go on Youtube and check out the show lol. From what I've seen so far, only in the sense that I perform hip-hop and my husband is my manager. My husband started out as my manager, I was actually being co-managed by him and his best friend before we got married. Their company was called “Good Guy Ent” and they intervened and took me out of the hands of a brother who didn’t have my best interest at heart. My husband met me as an artist. I was already established on what I wanted to be so I wasn’t searching for myself in that respect. I asked my husband who we were like and he said Bill Cosby and Keisha Cole lol.

BMWB. Do artist lie (still) about their status to get ahead in the game?

Some probably do but I think it's immature and outdated. I think people are okay with men expressing and reflecting more maturity nowadays. I understand not wanting to have your private life under scrutiny but treating your spouse as if they don't exist to "get ahead" is hurtful. Just be single or embrace who you are.

BMWB: Was marriage always in the game plan? What influenced your decision to get married? What advice to our sisters in preparation for marriage?

Before I got married I swore off marriage until I was 40.. I didn't think anyone would be able to change my mind. I felt like there was something "big" inside of me that I had to take time to uncover and cultivate and I was afraid I would have to abandon what made me who I was until I came to see that my husband (manager at the time) saw tremendous value in my gift. There were a few things that influenced my decision; I saw him as being a good father for my son, I started to miss him like crazy when I didn't see him for a while and he just had a great spirit about him where I felt I could open up to him. One big factor in my decision is a discussion we had where we both expressed our desire to help the Minister. That did it for me. As far as advice, I would tell sisters to not only make sure he is a good man for "you" but study what it is about you that can make “him” even better. If you are considering marriage prepare yourself to be able to both give and receive for the betterment of one another -for life… so that you can help each other on your path towards God.

BMWB: What view(s) of marriage changed once you crossed over into Holy Matrimony? What caught you by surprise?

Well like Minister Farrakhan said and I'm paraphrasing, there's that honeymoon phase and then there’s that time when reality sets in and you get down to the nitty gritty lol. Maybe something surfaces that happened in childhood that has seriously affected your spouse; or learning of weaknesses that could test the patience and endurance in your relationship. I came to realize that marriage was more than simply being with a person you consider to be a good match for you for the rest your life. Marriage in a sense is a replication of the relationship between God and man. It is loving beyond faults and seeing needs that allows for a God like patience in us sometimes, as God is patient with us. But it's not patience alone; there is this undergirding Faith in the individual that you have married. Faith based on what we saw within one another that attracted us to each another and we are constantly trying to pull out and make those attractive qualities dominant in each other. I don't love your temper tantrums but I sure as heck love "you". lol

BMWB:  Looking back, what skills do you think you should of hone in on before you married?
Communication! I did not know how to communicate what I needed without causing problems lol. I would say well he should know that! But no, communicate it and talk it over and not in a bossy way.. don't emasculate him because if we treat him like he isn't needed the question then becomes well why is there? Why be where you aren't needed?

BMWB: How do you  keep “You” defined from the relationship/motherhood?

I believe it lies in that process of growth and self-development. Knowing yourself or getting to know yourself, what you like, and constantly improving on yourself. This will sharpen and define "you". Of course taking care of yourself, knowing when it’s time to take that refresher so you won’t breakdown and end up being no good to anyone. It also includes having a supportive and understanding spouse and again an ability to communicate your needs in a healthy way. There is nothing wrong with letting your spouse know you need a little time to yourself to rest, work on something, or need help with the children but try to communicate it in advance and make it easier. Have the basics taken care of. For example, If you need to go out have dinner prepared.

BMWB: What personal weaknesses did you marriage open your eyes to?
Wow.. I found that I had an issue with stepping outside of myself and looking at self from the perspective of others; taking the good with the bad. I don't think that's easy for anyone of us to do. Though every critique is not laced with good intention we have to do like the Minister says and take the truth out every situation and improve. It’s an integral step in becoming broader.

BMWB: What are your views of the “wives” on the different reality series?

I am not too good with keeping up with reality shows but from episodes I have seen I would say 99% of their issues seem to lie in the area of communication. Women resorting to extreme or aggressive behavior from letting their emotions override their intellect and reasoning leaving more fractures in the relationship when the tirade is over, than what had already existed. Emotion blocks us from seeing things clearly and properly. We have to strive to put reasoning over emotion for healthier relationships and interactions.


Check her out at http://about.me/arianmuhammad !!
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Peace & Blessings ~Sis. DeAndrea